brassblogs

One of this things I’ve learned from last year’s sabbatical is the need to take the reins. I knew this when I started the sabbatical, actually – that I was letting my business drive me, instead of the other way around. I spent the year trying to figure out how to make it work, and more often than not, I cam up blank. it’s an odd feeling – floundering. Which is how I often feel. Like I’m always waiting on someone else for something before I can move forward. But what I’ve realized – especially towards the end of the sabbatical – is that the one I’m waiting on is me.

I’ve helped run my share of businesses. I started helping my mom with hers at the age of 12. (Of course my mother didn’t let a 12-year-old make business decisions – but she always shared with me what was going on when I asked.) Out of high school, I went from a lowly gopher at an individual-run retail store to a manager in everything but the name. It seemed every time I worked for someone else, I would attain a management-level position as far as the work went (but they never gave me the official title – I guess they didn’t want to pay me a manager’s salary!) – and attain it pretty quickly. Usually within the first year of working.

But with this odd mix of management-work-without-officialness, I was never truly allowed to put that final rubber-stamp on decisions. It wasn’t because I didn’t know what needed to be done, it was because – I really think this – they just didn’t want to make it official and have to pay me that salary. Every time I made a decision, I had to run it by the boss first, and get their approval. Which I always got, because I knew what to do and what was going on. I think my issues stem from this – I don’t have a boss anymore to provide that “rubber stamp.” It’s an odd feeling, and even though I’ve been doing this for (now, almost nine) years, I still haven’t quite gotten it through my head that I don’t need someone else’s approval for my decisions.

It seems silly, right? That I’ve been running my own business for this long, and I’m just now understanding my role. No wonder the business has been running me.

So here I am, the light bulb coming on. Time to stop waiting, because I’m already here.