Defining My Place, Part V: Modesty is a Virtue
July 13, 2009I think this one is the one I’m having the most trouble with right now. I was raised with a particular set of beliefs and values. I would imagine many older people would relate to this more than most people my own age would: keep your head down and work hard, and you will earn respect and recognition. There’s no need to “toot your own horn,” because if you’re really good and deserving, the tootin’ will be done for you. (Most people that “toot their own horns” are the “snake-oil salesmen” types, or so I was raised to believe.)
Yeah, I was raised in the south (depending on what side of the Mason-Dixon line you’re from, anyway) by a family of God-fearing Baptists who were mostly of Scottish lineage and farmers, and survived the Dust Bowl just fine, thankyouverymuch. Perhaps that’s where I get this kind of thinking – because I’m now starting to believe it’s “small town” and maybe a set of values that belongs more in the 1930’s than in the 21st Century.
I’ve found that as I’ve moved out in to the world and began doing my own thing, that for every one of me, there’s 100 others ready to take my place (or roll over me), and about 35 of them do things better than me. The other 64 consist of people who are fine where they are, want to be “famous”, or think they are better than they really are. However, I have found that many, many of them in that “last 64″ section are indeed more “famous” than I am. (I use “famous” very loosely – what I mean is that their names are better known than mine; they get more business than I do; and seemingly have better clients and more respect in the industry.) Not necessarily because they are better than I am, but because they market themselves better than I do.
Because I am modest. It’s how I was raised to be. I keep my head down and I plug away at it.
This post may even start to sound like some kind of rant, complaint, or me going against my own grain – but it’s none of the three. Truly, it’s an observation. I can’t say it doesn’t sting a little when I see well-respected names floating around that have been in business for a much shorter time than I have, and yet they are where I would like to be right now with seemingly much less effort – and all because they know how to “toot their own horn.” (Not saying I don’t know how… it’s just that I’m not comfortable in the practice.) But I do know that the reason I’m not where I want to be is because of my discomfort.
I don’t consider myself to be an “expert” on anything. I’m always learning, always looking to improve what I do. Even the tutorials I provide here are the things I’ve learned through past experience – and many of them I can see room for improvement because I have gotten better. I guess I have it in my head that , until I am an expert and I do know everything there is to know, I have no place in “tooting.”
I guess this is something I need to get over 
So take this one as a lesson from my lack of experience, or a stubborn set of rules I live by: DO NOT be afraid to market yourself. You ARE just as good as the other guy. Unfortunately, we live in a society where, if you don’t market yourself and get the word out YOURSELF, then you will be noise in the background. No one else will do it for you, and as long as you don’t come off as “spammy,” then you’re doing it right.
P.O. Box 46
I certainly haven’t tooted my own horn in the past, I think I need to start selling myself more.
Nice blog, btw it’s a good read.
I think you had it right in the first paragraph. Perhaps a misunderstanding has occurred with your loose references of those ‘apparently’ succeeding without integrity. In X (i.e. 50) years, what do you want to have accomplished? It’s harder to bullshit your way to long-term success and historical study by future generations. I bet you there were a lot of computer pioneers that were pissed off at sellouts, but did get their due decades later. Obviously honest people can seemingly get shafted even in the long run, but you’re on the wrong side of the equation when you decide to become one of the lowest common denominator types. Grab your own vision of the future by the horns and hold on for longer than a bull rider in a rodeo does. Aside from all this, you spend more time with your own conscience than anyone else and one would assume that such an active and permanent relationship should be in impeccable order first and foremost.
My 2 cents.
You do make some very good points, Jason. I do believe that my methods will be more long-lasting than the “flash-in-the-pan” types. That’s definitely what I go for – meaningful relationships and longevity. Perhaps I came off wring in the end of this: I don’t mean that I plan to do nothing but tout myself and go around spamming everyone: the point is, I *never* market myself. I’m the person who goes to networking events on rare occasions – and I forget to bring my business cards. I rarely spend time on my own business – all of my time seems to be devoted elsewhere. This post is my observation that, to get where I want to be, I need to lift my head up on occasion and let people know I’m here. It’s not something that’s native to me, and I need to learn to do better on that end – because I can’t cultivate great client relationships if no one knows I’m here!
Kind of off-topic just a bit, but one thing jumped out at me about not thinking of yourself as an expert. Most of us get so focused on looking ahead (or up, if you think of a ladder) that we forget to occasionally look behind and see how far we’ve come. There will ALWAYS be people better than us at something, even in our own fields. Its far too easy to specialize, and our own experiences tend to make us stronger in some areas, but not in other related areas. Quite simply, its far to see others as experts, which diminishes our own view of ourselves.
The real thing to look at, though, is where you’ve come from. Look behind. When you see how much ground you’ve already covered, you can see how, to people far behind you, you ARE an expert. You have knowledge you can share, at least to get them to where you are. You have experience that they lack, contacts that they don’t, and abilities they are just starting to work on.
When it comes time to market yourself, get it in perspective, and you’ll see where you can really market to your strengths.